As a new mom I am constantly learning new things and working through things and doing new things that I have never done before. Recently, I am really struggling with two things with Critter. Well not with him, but things that involve him.
1) What do I do when I am sick? I mean, obviously Critter isn't old enough to take care of himself. Yesterday I was sick, I mean like, tossing my cookies, migraine, could barely move, fever sick. Drew was at work, so I was home alone. And I did my best to take care of Critter, but with him already having a cold, I was scared. I tried to keep myself as sanitary as possible...constantly washing my hand, using hand sanitizer. I even would cover my body with a sheet and try to hold him out from my body. So at what point do I get help? And what happens when I can't get help?
2) I am terrified I am going to spoil Critter. Like especially recently with him being sick, he has been needy. He needs the comfort of being held and loved on. But I want him to learn, ya know, that he can sooth himself. I want him to sooth himself, but I find it difficult because I just want to run into his room and kiss him and love on him and make it all better. am I spoiling him?
Gah, why is there no manuel for this stuff???
Comments (3)
Mama's don't get sick days. As long as you can give the kids basic needs (food, proper clothes for the weather) and minimal supervision, it's not so bad. If you can't do that, call a friend for help. It sucks when the kids are sick with you.
Babies are not milk. *ahem* YOU CAN NOT SPOIL A BABY!! If you want to run, hug and kiss it all better do it. Mama's have instincts for a reason. Babies have few needs: food, clean diaper/clothes and loving attention. You wouldn't not feed your son, so why not give him love when he needs it?
I don't have the links because I'm not on my desk top but many studies have been done to prove that "spoiling" actually helps children learn to sooth themselves and become more independent as they grow. Fulfilling their needs for love builds their trust. That trust helps them venture away from you knowing that your love will always be there. That knowledge helps them learn to handle life's little bumps on their own. Deny them that, they will be fearful and cling to you at any little upset just to see if your love is there. Or not come to you when they honestly need you because they do not trust that you will give them the love they need.
Love up on that baby with no worries.
I agree with a lot of the previous comment... there have many a times over the last 3 1/2 years where taking care of Joey has been all but impossible. But as a mom, you have to get up and do it... you don't have a choice. The only time I have asked for help is if I was physically unable to tend to his needs and that has been one time, last September, when I was sick as a dog. At his age right now, it's easy to be sick with them. They can sit in the swing, they can play in their crib, etc. and they are safe from harm.
The only time I think you can "spoil" a child is if you buy them a galore of toys and give in to their every want and desire. At 4 months old, their wants and desires are to be loved on and taken care of. I don't believe that you can spoil a 4 month old. Joey has been sick today and I have sat in the recliner rocking him or laid on the couch cuddling with him the entire day. Did I spoil him by doing that? Absolutely not... he's sick and he needs that extra attention and lovings. He very seldom sits still long enough at this point to get lovings and cuddles and hugs and kisses so I take advantage of every opportunity to do so. I agree that they need to learn to comfort themselves but I don't feel like they need to do that until they are much older. At this age, they are still so needy and fully 100% need you. We didn't allow Joey to self soothe himself until he was about a year old and even then, it was a very sporadic thing. I fully believe that they have to know you are there for them when they need you and now is the best time to show that to them. I 100% agree with the previous comment... " "spoiling" actually helps children learn to sooth themselves and become more independent as they grow. Fulfilling their needs for love builds their trust. That trust helps them venture away from you knowing that your love will always be there. That knowledge helps them learn to handle life's little bumps on their own. Deny them that, they will be fearful and cling to you at any little upset just to see if your love is there. Or not come to you when they honestly need you because they do not trust that you will give them the love they need."
Ultimately, its up to what you and Drew want to do and how you want to raise him... your ways are going to be different then others because you are different people... you came from different households, were raised differently, your opinions are different, etc. And I promise you that as you have him longer, you will learn from mistakes and you will make changes to better benefit him and to better benefit yourselves. You learn so very much as you grow up them. Joe and I were laughing just the other night about how many things we would do differently with Joey if we could go back to when he was a newborn and how if we ever have another child he would do things differently. You won't get it right the first time around... no one does... it's impossible. Try your hardest, do your very best, and he will see that and forgive any screwup's you made when he is older!! ***Hugs*** <3 Jami
Spoil him! If you don't, I will!!!
Ali